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The Best of April Fools
“Uncle Bob”

In the following set of shady propositions, can you discern the provable facts from the pure Blarney? … the perennial positives from the seasonal shenanigans? A statement partially false is considered false.

1. My boss asked me to work a graveyard shift this past March 12. Yep. He had me work from midnight until 8 a.m. Fortunately, my contract states that I get double overtime for this, that is, two hours pay for each hour I worked. So, I’m looking forward to that extra 8 hours worth of additional pay.


2. Kim was training to run in the marathon. One Saturday, Kim ran to her cousin’s house ten miles away. She planned to run the return route on Sunday, and her goal was to average 10 miles per hour for the weekend. On Saturday, however, a blister and some blistering heat slowed her time to two hours, so her average rate for Saturday was 10 miles divided by 2 hours, or 5 mph. She planned to make up for lost time on Sunday. To reach her goal she’ll need to average 15 mph on Sunday.

3. In the 1992 U.S. Presidential election, Bill Clinton failed to receive a majority of the popular vote with his nearly 45 million compared to George H.W. Bush’s 39 million and Ross Perot’s nearly 20 million.

4. Our current veggie garden is a square 20’ by 20’. I need twice that space to plant next year. Thirty by thirty feet ought to more than do the trick.

5. I had a collection of five quarters with dates of 1996, 1993, 1987, 1990 and 1994. When Grandma gave me one more quarter, the average date rose by two years. The new quarter was dated 1998.

6. Flip two pennies. I win if they match, either heads/heads or tails/tails. You win if they do not match. This game is fair.


7. In a prominent Hitchcock film, Kim Novak’s character searches a murder suspect’s apartment, while a wheelchair bound Jimmy Stewart watches from his Rear Window.

8. In the famous finale of Casablanca, Bogie persuades Ingrid Bergman to get on that plane with hubby Hans Conried.

9. Thunderstorms don't happen everywhere every day; however, the earth's atmosphere is always charged with electricity to some degree. In fact, almost every U.S. citizen is struck by lighting at least once every day.

10. The hands on a dial clock move clockwise.

11. Throughout the NFL regular season, as the saying goes, on any given Sunday, any team has a chance to win.

12. The reason some firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore, when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Spoiler Alert!

Solutions Below





1. False. Sunday, March 12 (2023) was the day the clocks "sprung ahead" at 2 a.m. The shift was only 7 hours.

2. False. Kim cannot average 10 mph for the weekend. She needed to run the 20 total miles in 2 hours, and she has already taken 2 hours to do the Saturday leg.

3. True. Clinton did not receive more than half the vote.

4. True. 900 square feet is more than twice 400 sq. ft.

5. False. The new quarter was dated 2004.

6. True. The game is fair, in spite of some historically infamous opinions to the contrary by brilliant mathematical minds. Either coin can be the tail, so there are two ways to flip coins that do not match.

7. False. Actress Grace Kelly was Jimmy’s costar.

8. False. Actor Paul Henreid played the hubby.

9. True. The statement refers to lighting, not lightning.

10. We'll be generous and agree with you. Technically it is really a point of view issue. If you stood behind a transparent dial clock, you would see the hands moving counter-clockwise.

11. False. The regular NFL season presently schedules off weeks for all teams.

12. True, and neither could the horses slide up the poles.

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